Brain Weasels

Okay, Liz. What the heck is a brain weasel?

That’s what I call anxiety. The brain weasels.

(Occasionally, I’d call them Dementors, but I haven’t been doing that much recently because reasons.)

Anyhow, brain weasels. This is still a relatively new thing — they moved in a few years back, and decided my brain was comfy and entertaining, and decided to stay. Used to be, the brain weasels were nice and quiet. But over this past year, it seems to be that they’re active a LOT more often.

(As an aside did you know that increased anxiety is a sign of menopause? Yeah, me either. Why do they only talk about the hot flashes?)

Now, for those of you who don’t know what anxiety is like… have you ever ridden a roller coaster? You know that feeling of dread you get in the pit of your stomach, the one where you’re questioning yourself, your sanity, and all of your life choices that led you to this moment that you can get right before you go over the top of the big hill?

Imagine that on feeling on sustain. There’s no big hill. There’s no scream and it’s over and when can we do that again? There is only complete, total, unending dread, with no release.

It’s exhausting and brain numbing, and because mental health is not a priority in this world, we’re supposed to function through it. Or medicate it away.

I’m not medicating it. Not yet. My doctor and I aren’t sure if this is brain chemistry or menopause (or both) and there’s no clear pattern of triggers that let us say “Oh, it’s hormonal, and we can do HRT instead of anti-anxiety drugs to address it.” So for now, I keep track of the days when it’s bad, and what’s happening around me that might be a factor.

In writing news, I’m plugging away at Heir to the Firstborn, and I’ve sat down to read Metropolis so that I can get started on planning out that queer steampunk retelling that a former editor challenged me to write. I have the audiobook, too, and the restored version of the original movie is available on YouTube. So I’ll have a research day at some point (the restored movie is two and a half hours!)

Pen to Paper opens to participants today, and we’re plugging along behind the scenes with revisions from our valiant team of development testers. The program opens in August, and spots are limited, so if you’re unpublished and interested, go check it out!

And I’m getting ready for the RWA Retreat in two weeks. Not going to lie, this may be part of what’s got the brain weasels riled up. (OMG, I’m getting on an AIRPLANE and I’m going to spend several days in a HOTEL with people I don’t KNOW!)

The retreat will be fun, once I’m there. I’m pretty sure of that. It’s the anticipation, just like at the top of the big hill. And when it’s done, I’ll be asking “When can I do that again?”