On perverts, hypocrites, and why your sense of humor isn't funny.

Allow me to set the scene. I am a crunchy-granola mommy. Not as crunchy as some, though. I’m more a been-left-in-the-milk-just-a-touch-too-long crunchy. I suppose you can call me a somewhat-soggy granola mommy. I wore my son until he was too heavy to wear comfortably, we’re doing child-led weaning, and I hope that he decides he’s weaned before he starts school. But we never co-slept, I am very much in favor of vaccines, and I don’t have the temperament to effectively home-school a little boy who is occasionally smarter than I am.  So I pick and choose from the Attachment Parenting menu.

Now, being a social creature, I’m on a mailing list with other AP mommies. We compare notes and talk about problems and the million little things that kids do. (I seem to be the go-to person about martial relations. Imagine that!) Last week, there was a thread on mommy paranoia, and how you should follow your gut instinct about who you let near your child. It was going well until someone chimed in, “Yeah, all men are pervs.” Another mom chimed in and agreed with that.


After letting it it stew for a few days, I called them on it. I asked them if they really thought about their husbands and sons that way, and pointed out that hateful speech isn’t funny, even in jest. The second mom almost immediately said, “You know, you’re right. There was no reason to say that.”

The first mom, the one who initially said “All men are pervs” attempted to justify her statement (what she called her stereotype) by using statistics. You see, since men think about sex ever seven seconds, and since most pedophiles are male, that meant that all men are pervs.


I called her on it again, very politely. I pointed out pervert = sexual deviant. So, by her logic, since men think about sex ever seven seconds, which as I understand it is normal, and since SOME men are pedophiles,  then all men are sexual deviants. I then asked her what her idea of sexual normalcy in males was.

Her response was that she was sorry she upset me, and hoped that we could move beyond this. In other words, she evaded the question.

I pressed on, pointing out that I wasn’t upset, I just didn’t understand what she was talking about and wanted clarification. That she was reacting with a surprising  bias, and that it looked like the upset was on her side of the screen.

At this point, the moderators of the list stepped in, and my part in the conversation stopped. The conversation, however, did not. In the past day, at least two more moms have asked her to explain what she was talking about, and asked her to define what she means when she says ‘pervert.’

She now claims that she was joking the whole time, and that we just don’t understand her sense of humor.

Now, here’s where the fun part comes in. Just for grins, I googled her. I know where she lives, and I know her full name. And based on her email, I’m pretty sure that the first hit on Google was her. This is the part that if I wrote this into a novel, the editor would have sent it back and said it was too far-fetched.

Because she’s a Relationship Counselor.

I restrained myself from saying, “Counselor, your bias is extremely unprofessional for someone in your field.” I was a good girl. And besides, that would have been overly stalkerish.

But now I’m wondering what the HELL was going on there? Because she’s the person who other people trust to help them in their marriages and relationships. How can she do that if she thinks all men are perverts?

The mind boggles, scrabbles and parchesis….

What do you think?

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